Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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