she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
