okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize