I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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