I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
