you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
