3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
