I hate your face
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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