Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
