These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
