how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
