I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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