Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
