We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
