Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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