I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
