my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
