Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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