i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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