So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
