So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
