I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
