Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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