a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Randomize