Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
3pm strippers are depressing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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