I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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