I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
