I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need water and some morals
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
