I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize