Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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