Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
