R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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