I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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