I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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