just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
