Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
