listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize