I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
