Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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