and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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