so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
