went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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