the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
