Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
