Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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