a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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