I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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