Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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