We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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