get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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