can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
