Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
