please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
