I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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