I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
