Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
