So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
