you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
