i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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