ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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