I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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