i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
