If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
