Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
