Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
