You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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