you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
