Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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