The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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