every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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