God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
