its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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