this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize