i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
