i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are all done wearing pants today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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