Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
