I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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