I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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