I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
