Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
