I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
