Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The power of my boobs compel you
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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