Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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