whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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