I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
