Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
