It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
