she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
