My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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