After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
