my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
