In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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