I just saw a hot homeless man
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
