I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
