I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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