those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to align my fucking chakras
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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