Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
