2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
