After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize