Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize