i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
