So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the condom got lost in my hair
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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