I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
