Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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