I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
