When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
