My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
