Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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