end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
